rollercoaster of junk

i feel the need to write
and i am not sure what to start wth.
could it be the lack of creativity?
or maybe the over capacitation of imaginary mumbo jubo that is oozing out of my head?
what?
youve never been there?
its like a rollercoaster ride through the depths of your mind.
passing by the memories of nights past, around the corner to future endeavors, and underneath the bridge of lost dreams.
finally escalating to the peak.
the idea.
the thing you hae been searching for, and for a split second you can see clearly.
for a split second.
and then you drop.
down into reality. down into insanity.
down to the computer lab where you are sitting trying to come up with a peice of arbitrary wisdom to share with the world.
a network of circutry and whores that span the planet, and someone in china can translate your thoughts and go on their own roller coaster of randomness.
i feel so dirty and violated.
and i like it.
reach out and touch...space.
is that sacry, or is that just the new norm?
the new way of interacting.
through cyberspace and technojunk.
is it my e-duty to post?
if so, then it is your e-duty to read.
did it work?
i'm going to lunch.

neccessity is selfish?

was it necessary?
why?
sunday. funday. beach and sun ----day.
a little burnt.burnt on the day, the weekend, the emotion, the headache.....
sick and tired of thinking.
all you want to do is start drinking.
its 10pm.
smashed.
bottle caps in the trash.
the question is....now what?
bed?
an adventure that is sure to lead you to trouble?
another cold one?
what is it that you want to do?
what you want to do and what you can do are two completely different things.
sad really.
WHY cant we do what we want?
its a free country?
right.
so free, that we are inhibited by our minds.its like someone or something is controlling us.
you know what it is?
i'll pay you if you know.
freedom is a sate of mind.
impossible.
its yourself.it's denial, it's exile...it's "in style".
its the latest thing.
hiding out.
telling the lies.smiling and sayng hi? everything is fine. :)
your mind is in space.
and trust me...its written all over your face.
buenos noches...time to go home...
then your home. snuggled up with a book.
wondering why you arent out doing what you want?
asking yourself...
was it necessary?
why?

jibberish

drunk talk
drunk talk.i did it.i spoke my mind.i stopped in the middle of the ballroom, and had my spotlight tango.a tango. such an intense number. twists and turns. dips and snaps.fierce as a lioness stalking her prey. she pounces. an answer. and apology, and explanation. a headache.and im drunk.screaming over the cheesy rap music and backyard bantor of the bar. trying to spit out every thought, idea....emotion...tha i can muster up just to keep the attention. anything.just so i am not standing alone. any conversation is good conversation.and then you part ways. apparantly you feel better, but then you wake up in the morning on the side of your bed. shoes on, still dressed, tacky green wristband that proves you are of age.....a headache, and dry mouth.scatch your head. your going to have to think hard about this one.what was said?drunk talk...didnt change anything. more confused than ever...

lets get ready to rumble

step into the ring.
shake hands....time to wrraastle....
ding.
after the first round you're tired, but you've still got hope.
second round comes a few cuts and scrapes, but your still going because youve got heart.
no one can take that away.
right.
Third round comes, and you've got two black eyes, a bloody nose, fat lip, and you are seeing more than there actually is...
still going
Fifth Round....ding....
lights out.
get up. get up. get up.
wounded soldier. broken wings. cant even fly out of that ring.
down for the count. 6....7....8..
up?
for more?
you cant even see straight.
pathetic.
The mere definition means apathetic....not caring, and even worse not doing anything about it..
how much abuse will you take, before you get it through your head.
The fight is over. give up.
Are you that unaware of your lack of self respect and complete disreguard for a hint?

Its begging without saying a word.
Its being on your knees, and not for a good reason..
(and even "that" can be a little pathetic)
Its not looking in the mirror and owning up to the truth. Its telling your heart to shut up....
Its hiding behind the bars, the friends, the velvet ropes...until someone lets you in, lets you win.....basically you dont get pinned.
it's a departure. An arrival....A vacation.
All you need to stop the cycle is a mini deviation from an otherwise monotonous routine which has led you to be so pathetic, you can even face your fans in fear that they to will blow you away.
Where's the winner?
A warrior defeated.
An intellectual heavyweight body slammed in the name of love.
Dont let it happen. Prepare for the fight.
WALK out of that ring with your bruised soul.hold your head high.
dont get carried out on a stretcher.dont let them break your heart.
dont be pathetic.